If you know me, you may know that I’ve been dealing with issues that have caused me not to be able to work like I used to, a fact that drives me nuts by the way. This has been an ongoing situation for far too long, IMHO, but there is, unfortunately, no end in sight. I have not been able to accomplish so many things since I resigned my manager position in 2007, while pregnant with my youngest child. There is no feeling like that of feeling “useless,” especially when you have children.
Every spoonie has struggled with more than just the pain and illness they live with . . . We also have to deal with and accept that there are things we just can’t do and that, no matter how much we want to do, we will never get everything done. It’s just not possible. Out bodies simply won’t permit it.
“So,” I can hear you ask, “what does this have to so with spoons?” Well, to understand you should take a moment to read “The Spoon Theory” by Christine Miserandino. You see, EDS, like so many illnesses, is an invisible disease. You can’t just look at me and say “Oh, she has X.” No, it doesn’t work that way. Not for me, not for so many that suffer MS, Lupus, Crohn’s, and a plethora of other issues.
If there’s any one thing you take away from my ramblings, please let it be this – no matter what you know or think you know, don’t even assume that someone is being lazy or whiny when they don’t keep up with the crowd. It’s not that we don’t want to, but rather we can’t. We simply don’t have enough spoons . . .
We may have to take things slow or not doing things we want – or even need – to do, but it’s okay. We are still the people you love and we still love you, even when we lean on you emotionally (or perhaps, it’s because we love you that we feel safe enough to lean . . .)
I hope you have an eternal supply of spoons and the heart to loan a few to your loved one that have to count theirs.
I am a wife, mother, author, and EDS (Ehlers Danlos Syndrome) patient. I have been married for 18 years, have six children and was diagnosed with EDS in 2007, after a lifetime of pain and doctors that could never find the root of my health issues. I now walk with forearm crutches thanks to arthritis and bone spurs in my back, and self-dislocating joints.